ARE YOU A DAGGER OR A SWORD?
In my previous post, I described dagger parenting and what characterises them. In this second part, I will examine sword parenting. Sword parenting is a parenting approach that emphasises independence, autonomy, and broader guidance.
As a Sword parent,
1. You equip your children with a set of values and principles and allow them to explore and make their own decisions.
2. You encourage your children to face challenges, learn from experience, and develop resilience.
CHARACTERISTICS OF SWORD PARENTING
Independence and Autonomy: As a sword parent, you are likely to look away when a child falls because you believe they should be allowed to make and learn from mistakes. You promote independence and autonomy in your children and allow them to make decisions and explore their interests within limits. Your children are allowed to develop a sense of self-confidence, problem-solving skills, and a strong sense of identity.
Critical Thinking and Decision-Making: You encourage your children to think critically and make decisions on their own. You allow them to choose their clothes from an early age and give them the freedom to make choices without interference.
Resilience and Adaptability: You allow your children to face challenges and learn from their mistakes, and this helps them develop resilience and adaptability. You promote a growth mindset and teach your children that failures and setbacks are opportunities for learning and growth.
Lack of Structure: Sword parenting may result in a lack of structure and discipline if boundaries and guidelines are not clearly defined. Your children may struggle with self-regulation and have difficulty understanding limits without proper parental guidance. They might think anything is permissible as long as mummy or daddy doesn't frown at it.
Risk of Inadequate Guidance: Your children may make poor choices or engage in risky behaviours without sufficient parental guidance. As a sword parent, you must provide a solid structure for your children to navigate their decision-making. As you give them freedom, provide a template for them to express their freedom.
Emotional Distance: Your focus on independence and autonomy may create emotional distance between you and your children. And if you are not mindful, your relationship with your children could lack the deep emotional connection and support children need for their emotional development.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Both approaches are necessary in parenting for the following reasons:
Individual Needs: Just as a dagger's precision is necessary for specific tasks, some children require more hands-on guidance and close monitoring due to their unique personalities, temperament, or circumstances. Dagger parenting can provide a sense of security and support for such children.
Personal Growth: Similarly, as a sword's longer reach allows for greater exploration, certain children benefit from having more freedom to make choices, learn from their mistakes, and develop independence. Sword parenting can foster self-confidence, decision-making skills, and personal growth.
Adaptability: Children are diverse, and what works for one child may not work for another. Parenting techniques should be adaptable and flexible, blending aspects of both approaches as needed. Recognising that some situations require precision and direct intervention while others call for broader guidance allows you to effectively tailor your approach to meet your children's needs.
As a parent, discerning your child will help you know the approach to use. And often, your child needs an approach opposite to their nature. If you have a dagger child, you would need to give them more freedom to make their choices so they can become more confident, and if you have a sword child, you might need to intervene often so they don’t cause monumental havoc in their risk-taking ventures.
You also need God’s wisdom always because you are only a caretaker of your children. God, their owner, knows what you need to raise them to become all He created them to be.
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