UNINTELLIGENT ANSWERS THAT PARENTS GIVE WHEN CHILDREN ASK QUESTIONS
A child that doesn't ask questions is not developing properly! Asking questions is part of our growth process as people, and as parents, it is essential to answer your children's questions properly and intelligently.
Some of the unintelligent responses parents give to their children are:
1. The Shut up response: Some parents shut their children up when they ask questions. They do this by outrightly telling their kids to keep quiet or by acting so frustrated by their children's questions that the kids have no other option than to shut up. This is a very unintelligent way of responding to your child's questions.
2. The cold or non-verbal (a.k.a the uh-huh) response: Grunting parents are not unfamiliar. They respond non-verbally or completely ignore the child, and he/she leaves their presence more confused than ever. Yoruba people have a phrase they use when you give them such a non-committal response. They say that their words don't deserve an answer. Never make your child feel that their questions don't deserve answers. Make them feel their questions are valid. Even if the question sounds foolish, be wise enough to provide an answer that can cure that folly.
3. The busy-bee response: 'Can't you see that I am busy?' is not the answer to your child's question. Yes, the adult world is busy, but we shouldn't use our busy schedules as an excuse to leave a question unanswered. When you are busy, pause and politely ask your child to check back in so-and-so time. Let them know that their questions are valid and that you want to give them your total attention while answering them. And when they return, focus on them and provide them with the answer they need. Being busy is not an issue, but being too busy that you can't answer your children's questions is simply being too busy.
4. The 'I don't know' response: My children ask me questions I am clueless about how to answer. Sometimes, I tell them that I don't know the answer at the moment and then proceed to find out. At other times, I involve them in my search for answers, and we dig out the solution together. At other times, I give them the honour of digging out the answers. It is okay not to know the answer, but it is not okay to tell them that you don't know, and that is that. If you don't know, ask others. Lead them to sources that can help them learn. The flip side is when parents are too proud to admit they don't know. You are not God; letting them know you are also learning is good.
5. The 'don't you know the answer to that simple question' response: Children will ask you questions they already know the answers to. Don't be sarcastic in your response to such questions. Don't shut them up too. Instead, throw the question back to them and allow them to answer it. When they ask such questions, they want to have a conversation with you. They want your attention. Give it to them.
6. The silent response: Some questions can knock the wind out of you as a parent. It can leave you too stunned to give an immediate answer. At such times, don’t make your silence linger longer than necessary and don’t make your silence permanent. If the question was too deep for their age, too inappropriate for that time or too strange, ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom and tell them to come back later for an answer. If it requires praying together with them for answers, pray. And if the answer is not yours to give, refer them to the right source or ask them to wait for it patiently. We can also teach our children that God sometimes gives silence as the answer to questions, not because He wants to ignore us but because He wants to teach us to trust Him with the big picture. Tell them about Jesus’ question to God on the cross and how God’s silence was for our salvation.
I am still learning and consciously working on myself as a mother to answer my children with wisdom and intelligence. If we must raise wise and intelligent children who are curious, wise and well-formed, then, as parents, we must create the right atmosphere for this.
In the last post in this series, I will discuss a template I created to answer my children's questions.
NB: This post is culled from my soon-to-be-published book, 'Passing the Baton'.
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