ARE YOU A DAGGER OR A SWORD?
Have you ever witnessed a child bump into something and fall? What was your immediate reaction?
Let me give you some options to choose from:
1. You tell everyone around, 'Don't look, don't look. He will not cry if you don't look.'
2. You jump up immediately to carry the child.
3. You scold the child for falling and command him to stand up.
4. You beat the child for falling.
5. None of the above options.
Often, we parent the way we were parented, and if we are not intentional about creating new patterns, we will continue to run our homes on styles that won't work on our children.
Still, on the weaponry categorisation, I did a little research on the dagger and the sword and decided to probe deeper into how they can be applied to parenting. If you have read my previous 'Know your child series', you already have an idea of the dagger and the sword.
In this two-part series, I will use the dagger and the sword analogy on parents so we can see ourselves in a clearer light and make adjustments where necessary.
DAGGER PARENTING: Imagine daggers as a parenting approach that focuses on being precise, direct, and hands-on in guiding and protecting children. These are some of your characteristics if you are a dagger parent.
1. You closely monitor your children's activities and provide clear instructions.
2. You prioritise close relationships and engage in one-on-one interactions.
3. You are always available for your children and close enough to spot and correct mistakes. You are likely to rush to a child's aid when he falls and sometimes scold the child for being careless.
4. You have a microscopic view of everything that happens in your children's life.
This style involves stricter rules, discipline, and immediate intervention when necessary.
CHARACTERISTICS OF DAGGER PARENTING
Clear Boundaries: As a dagger parent, you provide your children with clear boundaries and expectations. By setting strict rules and guidelines, your children know what is expected of them, which can help them develop a sense of structure and discipline.
Protection and Safety: You closely monitor your children's activities, which can help ensure their safety. By being actively involved in their children's lives, you can identify potential risks or dangers and take immediate action to protect their children.
Emotional Connection: You cherish close relationships and one-on-one interactions, and this allows for a solid emotional bond between you and your children. This connection provides your children with a sense of security and support.
Lack of Independence: If you don't give your children breathing space, you may limit their ability to make decisions and develop independence. Your constant monitoring and intervention can hinder your children from exploring their own interests, learning from mistakes, and developing problem-solving skills.
Reduced Freedom: Children raised with a dagger parenting approach may have limited opportunities to express their opinions and preferences. This can lead to a lack of self-confidence and difficulty in making independent choices later in life.
Strained Parent-Child Relationship: The strict and controlling nature of dagger parenting may strain the parent-child relationship. If you don't learn to give them their space, your children may feel suffocated or excessively pressured, leading to conflicts and a communication breakdown.
If you have most of these traits, you are a dagger parent, and you must learn to sharpen your strengths and work on your weaknesses. It is beautiful to always be available for your child, but you must know when to let them explore and find their path in life and God. Know when to let them learn from their mistakes. If you hold them too closely, they will either become too stifled and run at the slightest chance of freedom or become overdependent on you and others throughout life.
To love your child is to give them the liberty to be themselves and become all God wants them to be.
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